I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
