He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
