Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize