you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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