Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
