chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
