I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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