Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
