according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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