i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
