Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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