Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
