first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize