I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
