is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
