Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
