Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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