So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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