I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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