So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
