you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize