K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
