Welp...herpes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
