Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
