he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
