The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
