So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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