your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
