Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize