I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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