i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
