i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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