Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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