She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
