wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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