best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
