My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
