I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
