the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she told me i tasted like america
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
