I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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