I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
