My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
