We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
