so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
