Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
