i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
