There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize