last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
