3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize