now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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