I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
