If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
