Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
