my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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