I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
