There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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