once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
