if you like me you must not know who I am
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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