halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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