Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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