i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
