This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
