i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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