You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
