it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
