When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think people are normalizing furries
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
