I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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