dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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