i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
