Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
jump out the window naked night went bad
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
