its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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