I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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