I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
