hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
