My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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