So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize