Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
