sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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