I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
