Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
