i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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