I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
