i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
