For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
