Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize