Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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