Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
